Tragedy is a part of every life. It comes in different forms, and I hate them all. The question is, "What are we to do?" How are we to cope with horrible events and emotional pain? Usually, we want to minimize our suffering. Particularly when it does not help anyone or anything. But how do we do that? For physical suffering, we get the best medical care available. For emotional suffering, we can modify what we are doing in our mind; the way we think about things will dramatically affect how we feel.

One effective way to make ourselves feel bad is to continually focus on our past losses, sufferings, and embarrassments. Why do we so often do exactly that? Perhaps we hope to somehow change those events, or our interpretation of them, by going over and over them in our mind. It rarely works... unless we know how to re-think things as therapists are trained to do. We can also make ourselves feel bad by anticipating the worst in our future, or by focusing mostly on the negative aspects of the present. Please, do not misunderstand me; I know terrible things happen. And I know you have every right to feel bad about them. It's just this: continuing to feel rotten is not absolutely necessary, and you may choose to keep that at a minimum.

What might help

• Would you like to feel better? Right now? That's a serious question. When people are feeling bad, what they sometimes want is to wallow in it for awhile. If you want to stew for awhile, that's fine; it's one of those things that people occasionally do. Go wallow to your heart's content. When you're ready to feel better, come back and read on
• Please take your time with this point, it can be very helpful. If you are experiencing a symptom (a feeling, thought or behavior you don't like), one useful question you might ask yourself is," what am I doing in my head on those occasions when I fail to generate my symptom?" Suppose, for example, you are struggling with the blues. What are you doing in your head on those rare occasions when you do not feel quite so down — even though you might have? Once you know that, you can begin doing it on purpose.
• In many locations there are various types of "Hot Lines": places you can call, or drop in on, where someone can talk you through a difficult time. If you like, you can call your local government "information" number and ask about Hot Line numbers.
• Watch and/or listen to comedy. Hopefully, this will add some humorous thoughts to your stream of consciousness. An antidote to negative thinking.
• Read inspirational works; for example, a book of affirmations.
• Be physically active. Move about. Stand straight, with head held high; look up as much as safely possible.
• Seek greater spiritual comfort or resolution.
• The urge to transcend oneself and connect with others is a nearly universal human experience. Find some way to exercise your ability to be a loving person. Help others when you can, you'll feel better for it.
• Tell someone your troubles, who can listen without giving you advice.
• Determine if you "should" be feeling bad right now; if it's some kind of obligation you feel. If so, you can take some comfort in knowing that you are doing the right thing, but consider this: might there be a better way to discharge your obligation?
• If you are thinking about taking your life, you are having a mental health emergency; tell someone, and get help right away. If you are so upset as to be thinking like that, you almost certainly are not thinking clearly. That sort of decision is too important to make in a muddle; get some outside, objective opinions.

If your issues include more anxiety than feeling blue or down, our next stop might be of interest.