If you are currently feeling suicidal, you are having a mental health emergency and it's very likely that you could benefit from some immediate support to get you through this difficult time. That might include help from your therapist, a friend or relative, the police, the emergency room at your local hospital, or a suicide prevention hot-line. In the USA, please call
While you are online, you may want to visit the Metanoia web site; I hope you find their words helpful.
Please, do what you can right now to insure your safety.